Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Exit

If I dont say this now, I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I wanna take

Somehow, I've become very good at saying goodbye. It started out by telling everyone "I will only say see you laters, no goodbyes" but that quickly turned into "goodbyes". Sometimes I sit and wonder how I managed to pack my bags and leave everyone and everything I've held near and dear for the last ten years. July 2010 I said too many goodbyes to count. I told everyone see you later, but in essence, they were all goodbyes. Every time I'm in a country long enough, I long to keep moving, which means more goodbyes. If I get too comfortable somewhere, I say, keep going. Is a feeling of comfort such a terrible thing when traveling?

There now steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I always know
When I'm loosing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

Recently, many friends have been asking me when I'll be coming back to Canada, coming home. See, I have a small personal problem with the word "home". I was born in Kuwait, where you don't get the nationality if you're not originally a Kuwaiti, so your ID card always says Foreigner. I moved to Canada in middle school. Culture shock at 11 years old. Foreigner. I just moved to Egypt, what some people might consider my "home" (even though I've never lived here for more than a month or two during the summer break) because of my ethnicity, yet somehow, everything I do and everything I say seems to be Foreign. The taxi drivers can usually tell I'm not "from here" before I even open my mouth. In the countries I visit, whether for research or tourism, I am the Foreigner. Home connotes a base camp. A place of constant familiarity. Somewhere your heart longs to be. You can see why I have a small problem with "home". My heart longs to be everywhere on this Earth, exploring, discovering, unearthing.

She says most assuredly
Be my baby
I'll look after you

Maybe I've become good at saying goodbyes because I dislike being attached to a geographical location. I feel it limits your character, your ideas, your thoughts. So in a way, maybe I'm homeless (donations welcome). And yet, there is some sort of longing for something familiar that is starting to rise to the surface. If I could personally define what "home" means to me, this longing might be called.... homesickness.

(Look After You, The Fray)

4 comments:

Ayah said...

Love this!!

Samar7rb said...

beautiful..
"i'm homeless (donations welcome)..

you reminded me of a song titled "Ghorabaa".. strangers.. or more like foreigners..
غرباء هكذا الأحرار في دنيا العبيد
Strangers.. are the free ones in a land of slaves..

this might be off on a tangent..

it is true.. i feel like this Earth was not made to give us a 'homey' feeling.. it will take care of us like a 'good enough mother'.. Earth won't give you a home.. but will give you all you need to create your own..

sometimes we take items from place to place.. that resemble what is 'home'.. at times we simply carry our experiences, memories and friendships to recreate this sense..

bintbattuta said...

"home" until we go home. i get exactly what ure talking about :)

sultana said...

i really enjoyed your articles bintbattuta!!! :D wish you success wherever you are! see you later :p