When was the last time you had an intelligent conversation with yourself? Was it productive? Did you learn something new?
Did you feel weird?
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Last week I tried to decorate my place. I've been living in London, UK, now for the past 5 months or so, and for me it seems like it has been quite a long time. My walls were bare and the place felt cold. But for some reason it didn't bother me. It feels like you can place me in pretty much any place with a bed and running water and I'll make it work. But 5 months on, it felt like the next logical step would be to try to make this place a bit more interesting. So I started to hang up some of my favorite items. My world map, my postcards, my calendar, my poster of two kittens cuddling, my Chinese-Arabic calligraphy map. I made a little shrine on top of the bookshelf of things I've collected from different countries, the three monkeys from Malaysia, the seashells from Brighton, the wooden jewellry box from Bahrain, and some other random stuff. I had a feeling being surrounded by my things would make the place feel more "homey." It felt necessary, like that's what big kids do when they move out. They hang things. They stare at their things. They enjoy staring at their little attempts at being adults who have finally started to settle down.
But it's just not working for me. I'm not sure why... It could be that I see this place as just another transitional location, technically my lease ends quite soon (but I'll be extending I think). Another part of me feels like all of this effort will just take too much time to take apart when I have to go again, I wont be able to just pick up my bags and go. And to be honest, it feels a little fake. I love looking at my things, they take me back to those moments. But I dont want to live in my past. I want to make new good memories! Which I'm trying to do. But that's like people who dwell on their past mistakes or their past good times and forget to live in the present, I dont want to get to that point. So why was hanging some of my stuff on my walls in my place such a strange experience? Maybe I just need time to get used to it... Then it'll be time to go again. Which I'm perfectly happy about actually. It's never about wanting to leave a place, it's just about wanting to go somewhere new and experiencing another life.
I guess only time will tell whether or not this little tree will ever allow herself some roots :)
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Act with kindness but do not expect gratitude. - Confucius
Oh external worshiper, know that worship without heart is motions. Oh seeker of knowledge, know that knowledge without purification is a dangerous weapon of the ego. Oh activist, know that work without orientation if the heart is fruitless. Oh lover, know that love without God is pain. - Yasmin Mogahed
Monday, January 2, 2012
It's all because she laughed too much and loved too much and took a chance on this world and took a leap of faith with you.. Too bad she landed alone among the thorns. And it's too bad youre not watching her still laugh and love and take chances and take leaps. Or are you? Where are you? That place you filled is emptying out. Or is it? She cant decide. To keep you or to let you go, to be better or to stay the same. But wasnt that what you did? Kept it together, made it better. Then it fell to pieces. Why? Not the leap of faith imagined. And all she did was wonder if a good thing could get better, not best, yet, but better. But you showed her how to rebuild those walls and then disappeared. And left her standing across the moat slightly confused, disoriented, not sure whether to laugh or cry, love or hate, take a chance or hide behind the walls, take a leap or grow those roots. And yet she stands, watching that horizon, waiting for a sign. But her mouth is itching for that Laugh, her heart for that Love, her soul for that Chance, her legs for that Leap. And she wont be able to resist them for long...