Change

It continues to amaze me how completely and utterly petrified of change some people are. Someone recently called me an indecisive five-year-old. I've been thinking about getting my nose re-pierced recently but I haven't made a final decision yet, wavering between actually wanting that pierce again, and not being bothered to go through that pain all over again. And this person bluntly said to me: you just keep changing your mind and you can never decide on anything. This person was making a general statement about my life.

Excuse me? Yes, I enjoy living a spontaneous life. I enjoy not having a boring routine. I enjoy moving from one place to another. I enjoy having new and exciting experiences. This does not mean that I live life without goals or ambitions. It does not mean that I am indecisive or that I don't stick with my plans. Once I set my mind to something, anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that I will get it done. And this person saying these things to me was someone who supposedly knows me well. So why the misguided statement?

Guess what. I find the concept of change to be an exciting one. Not scary, not unstable, not useless, not without aims or ambitions or faith or love or joy. In fact, I seek change.

Do not pity me because I have wholeheartedly embraced positive change. I understand that maybe we won't see eye to eye on this matter. But I hope, for your sake, that one day you will learn to see the beauty that exists in the difference of ideas.

This Emotional Life

This is the most perfect little video that you must watch right now. 2 minutes of Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love) on how humans are dealing with their emotional lives, looking at it through Schopenhauer's Porcupine Dilemma.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_qhdPflUb8&feature=youtube_gdata_player

How to be alone

Have I posted this video before? It's great. It follows nicely from what I wrote about below on being alone. Give it a go :)

Just sayin.

Life is unbearably quiet without you. And all I wanna do is dance with you under the stars to the music that exists only inside our minds.

On Being Alone

Alone

(On June 11, 2011, at Wat Pho, the Reclining Buddha temple, a man gives alms)

“What are you escaping from?”
Nothing.
“What are you looking for then?”
Nothing.

The idea of traveling for travel’s sake is difficult for many to understand. The journey, the concept of moving from one place to another, has always been more important to me than actually arriving somewhere. And for me, the best part of any journey is the time I spend alone. It’s those moment spent sitting on the train in the middle of the raw countryside in central Morocco watching the skinny grass-fed cows that stick with me. Mostly, it’s the reflection process that takes place in those moments. Reflecting on the days that past, the people I met, the conversations we had, the moments we created. Reflecting on the next few days, the hope of some more moving trials, the dream of interesting people, food, experiences, thoughts, ideas, of more chipping away of the shell. Reflecting on my life, my ambitions, the way my brain works, the way this life is supposed to turn out. This is at the heart of why I prefer to travel alone. This world is jam packed with incredible and interesting people and experiences, and I’ve been blessed to meet and know so many.

There is something about having that time to yourself that brings about a certain dialogue that can not exist in the presence of others - the dialogue with yourself. The emphasis seems to always be on fostering dialogue with others, which is important. But what about that internal conversation you never have? The one you always push away and tell to shush. The one you think is a negative invading process, that gut feeling, those ideas, voices, geniuses, whatever you want to call them. They’re there, waiting for you to perk up your ears and listen closely. Know very well that the less you understand about yourself, the less likely it is that you will ever truly know anything about others.

And so, spend time inside your own head, take long train rides alone, walk through busy markets with nothing but your thoughts, and maybe a camera or a notebook. Learn to spend 24 hours completely by yourself. Be balanced: you don’t need to disintegrate from society to do this, you just need to take some time off. Come to an understanding, and then keep that understanding and that conversation alive - with yourself. Unfortunately, there is a societal (mis)understanding that people who enjoy spending time alone must be introverted or shy or somehow dysfunctional. Because most of the world has no idea how to be comfortable inside their own heads, it shouldn’t influence your decisions. The word ‘alone’ becomes automatically translated into ‘lonely,’ which are two very different ideas, and is a clarification that everyone needs to understand well. Embrace yourself while working on embracing others. There is no reason to become a hermit in a desert cave to accomplish this. You can chose to stay home for a whole weekend, take a course without anyone you know, attend a concert by yourself, go for a swim, travel to the next city, country, continent, without knowing anyone there.

My dad recently warned me that I will soon become lonely in this way of life. He said it will become more difficult to keep up and in touch with friends and have a stable circle of loved ones, which is something I have already begun to experience. But it is not loneliness that I fear, it is not understanding who I am that keeps me awake at night. It seems the harder you try to carve your own path in this world, the less likely it is that someone will want to walk with you. The uphill trek to the top of the mountain - whatever that mountain may be - is a path by which most are either intimidated or discouraged. But find that courage anyway. Challenge that mountain, find the brave souls who are also scattered along the barren terrain, find the faint traces of the trails others have left before you and let them criss cross your own trail, and just keep pushing through, carving that path, making those new trails. Bring your eyes down from that peak and look right under your feet. And one day, you will realize that the best thing you ever did was that you stopped looking for something and had the ability to understand that the journey, and that dialogue with yourself, matter more than the destination. And that ultimately, each of us is on their journey alone.

(This article I wrote first appeared on the SpeakOut Poetry Blog on February 3, 2012: http://www.speakoutpoetry.com/building-bridges/alone/)

The habits that crush us

On the very lovely Zen Habits website by Leo Babauta, I came across this interesting article: The Habits That Crush Us http://zenhabits.net/crush/

It's a different perspective on why we have all those unproductive (and often destructive) habits. Enjoy!

Question

When was the last time you had an intelligent conversation with yourself? Was it productive? Did you learn something new?

Did you feel weird?

Do it.

Reflection

Last week I tried to decorate my place. I've been living in London, UK, now for the past 5 months or so, and for me it seems like it has been quite a long time. My walls were bare and the place felt cold. But for some reason it didn't bother me. It feels like you can place me in pretty much any place with a bed and running water and I'll make it work. But 5 months on, it felt like the next logical step would be to try to make this place a bit more interesting. So I started to hang up some of my favorite items. My world map, my postcards, my calendar, my poster of two kittens cuddling, my Chinese-Arabic calligraphy map. I made a little shrine on top of the bookshelf of things I've collected from different countries, the three monkeys from Malaysia, the seashells from Brighton, the wooden jewellry box from Bahrain, and some other random stuff. I had a feeling being surrounded by my things would make the place feel more "homey." It felt necessary, like that's what big kids do when they move out. They hang things. They stare at their things. They enjoy staring at their little attempts at being adults who have finally started to settle down.

But it's just not working for me. I'm not sure why... It could be that I see this place as just another transitional location, technically my lease ends quite soon (but I'll be extending I think). Another part of me feels like all of this effort will just take too much time to take apart when I have to go again, I wont be able to just pick up my bags and go. And to be honest, it feels a little fake. I love looking at my things, they take me back to those moments. But I dont want to live in my past. I want to make new good memories! Which I'm trying to do. But that's like people who dwell on their past mistakes or their past good times and forget to live in the present, I dont want to get to that point. So why was hanging some of my stuff on my walls in my place such a strange experience? Maybe I just need time to get used to it... Then it'll be time to go again. Which I'm perfectly happy about actually. It's never about wanting to leave a place, it's just about wanting to go somewhere new and experiencing another life.

I guess only time will tell whether or not this little tree will ever allow herself some roots :)

Poem

The hills

remind me

of you

Not because they curve soft and warm

lovely and firm

But because

a long time ago

you stared at them

as I am staring now.

- Irving Layton (1912 - 2006)

Quotes

Act with kindness but do not expect gratitude. - Confucius

Oh external worshiper, know that worship without heart is motions. Oh seeker of knowledge, know that knowledge without purification is a dangerous weapon of the ego. Oh activist, know that work without orientation if the heart is fruitless. Oh lover, know that love without God is pain. - Yasmin Mogahed

And...

It's all because she laughed too much and loved too much and took a chance on this world and took a leap of faith with you.. Too bad she landed alone among the thorns. And it's too bad youre not watching her still laugh and love and take chances and take leaps. Or are you? Where are you? That place you filled is emptying out. Or is it? She cant decide. To keep you or to let you go, to be better or to stay the same. But wasnt that what you did? Kept it together, made it better. Then it fell to pieces. Why? Not the leap of faith imagined. And all she did was wonder if a good thing could get better, not best, yet, but better. But you showed her how to rebuild those walls and then disappeared. And left her standing across the moat slightly confused, disoriented, not sure whether to laugh or cry, love or hate, take a chance or hide behind the walls, take a leap or grow those roots. And yet she stands, watching that horizon, waiting for a sign. But her mouth is itching for that Laugh, her heart for that Love, her soul for that Chance, her legs for that Leap. And she wont be able to resist them for long...

Thoughts

Satan rejoiced when Adam (peace be upon him) came out of Paradise, but he did not know that when a diver sinks into the sea, he collects pearls and then rises again.

- Ibn Qayyim Al Jawziyyah

Do not be so arrogant as to believe that you have deduced all the answers from your own reason and no longer need to learn from others.

To summarize...

Dear everyone,
All politicians are liars. They all play dirty games. They're all disgusting on one level or another. They are not saints or angels and they never will be. None of them. Stop placing your hope in the wrong place. Your role as a citizen is to wisely chose the one who will do the least amount of damage. As soon as you believe this fact, you will live a better life by learning to work from the bottom up and you will stop trying to make politics better - that is a losing battle and always will be. Change the things around you that you can change and stop expecting a savior to come along and fix your problems. Stop that stream of thought and I promise you will be a happier person.
Love, BB.

What's Happening?

I am once again in Cairo.

I was here January - May of this year during the Jan 25 Revolution. It's been twelve months and what has happened? I wonder if much has actually changed at all. I was with a friend today and the following conversation took place. Keep in mind that this friend is a well educated woman who has been born and bred in Egypt and is now a full time professional, is young, pro-revolution, quite liberal on the political spectrum, and also runs a household.

We had been discussing the productivity of certain countries in the world, and that conversation naturally led to the "state Egypt is in now", which led to a general venting about how all politicians on this planet are liars and full of shit and that each citizen's role was to wisely chose the one who will do the least amount of damage possible. And the interesting part was when she said:

We don't deserve a good government.
Why?
Because we are not good people. We are lazy, we don't want to work or do anything, but we want money and lots of it. All we do is sit at street cafes and talk talk talk, mostly about things we have no idea about, and then keep on mismanaging our own lives. Garbage mentalities can not be changed through a good government. The Egyptian people have been used to only following orders. We have had military men rule us for the last eight decades. The only thing we know how to do is to follow orders. Nothing will ever change until we start doing something about it and change ourselves first and go out and work and be productive people.

Interesting point of view, no? Ya I thought so too. There is definitely truth in there. However, my question is: what about the people given more opportunities than others? Where are those people and what are they doing to change themselves and to better the lives around them? Aren't they also a part of that culture that sits around Nawady (sporting clubs - the rich equivalent of street cafes) and talk talk talk, also about things they mostly don't know much about? Im not trying to point a blaming finger. All Im asking is, if youve pinpointed the solution, what are you personally doing about it?

Everyone, inside and outside Egypt, who cares anything for Egypt, justice, freedom, and peace, needs to do something. Anything. If this revolution is to change anything at all, it should change the way people view their roles in this world and define the extents to which they are willing to go to see the fruits of their actions.

Fire

It's that moment you experience the hard way that too much of a good thing can only be bad. Set fire to that rain. And then drop it.

Hadith

"A good friend and a bad friend are like a perfume-seller and a blacksmith: The perfume-seller might give you some perfume as a gift, or you might buy some from him, or at least you might smell its fragrance. As for the blacksmith, he might singe your clothes, and at the very least you will breath in the fumes of the furnace."

[Bukhari and Muslim]

Sunday in Leicester

For a town that's really not that big, it's got lots of character. Just under 3 hours by bus north of London.

Reunions with old friends.

Christmas gospel carolers.

Shopping.

Sunsetting.

American diner milkshakes and burgers.

Hadith

Saw this poster today. Chills.

Quote

Wowzers.

(http://journeyofamuslimah.tumblr.com/)

Quote

You only lose what you cling to. -Buddha

Sunday in Soho

Ghost town and locals.
Malaysian food and weekly shop.
Eerie silence and sunshine.
Creaking house.
Just the way I love Soho.

Life

Throw flowers not bombs, make love not war, be happy not sad. Life is simple.

(the image is by the great Banksy)

Poem

I like it.

Praying

It doesn’t have to be
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones; just
pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don’t try
to make them elaborate, this isn’t
a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which
another voice may speak.

- Mary Oliver

Seen on: http://glutenfreegirl.com/

Today

I realized that I think about the ocean almost every single day. Why can't the ocean be everywhere? The more time I spend living in big cities, the more I miss it...


(last day in Langkawi - Malaysia 2011)

Rumi - Don't Scold the Lover

Moses heard a shepherd on the road praying:
“Lord, where are you? I want to help you, to fix your shoes and comb your hair. I want to wash your clothes and pick the lice off.
“I want to bring you milk to kiss your little hands and feet when it’s time for you to go to bed.
“I want to sweep your room and keep it neat. God, my sheep and goats are yours. ”

“Who are you talking to?” Moses could stand it no longer.
“Only something that grows needs milk. Only some one with feet needs shoes. Not G’d!”

The shepherd repented and tore his clothes and sighed and wandered out into the desert.

A sudden revelation came then to Moses.

“You have separated me from one of my own.
“Did you come as a Prophet to unite, or to sever?
“I have given each being a separate and unique way of seeing and knowing and saying that knowledge.
“What seems wrong to you is right for him.

“What is poison to one is honey to someone else.
“Purity and impurity, sloth and diligence in worship, these mean nothing to me.
“I am apart from all that. Ways of worshiping are not to be ranked as better or worse than one another.
“It’s not me that’s glorified in acts of worship. It’s the worshipers!
“I don’t hear the words they say. I look inside at the humility.

“Forget phraseology. I want burning, burning. Be friends with your burning.
“Burn up your thinking and your forms of expression!
“Lovers who burn are another.

“Don’t scold the Lover. The “wrong” way he talks is better than a hundred “right” ways of others.
“When you look in a mirror, you see yourself, not the state of the mirror.
“The flute player puts breath into a flute, and who makes the music?
“Not the flute. The flute player!

“Whenever you speak praise or thanksgiving to Me, it’s always like this dear shepherd’s simplicity.”

from Rumi’s “Moses and the Sheperd”, translated by Coleman Barks

(from: http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2011/10/28/he-followed-the-bewildered-footprints-editar/)